Flying Eagles Olympics

Woken from slumber by the rumbling of the courteous Cedar Rapids tactical garbage brigade, the 1st ever Flying Eagles Olympics was set to be under way…

Off to find some trophies…a WWF (I refuse to acknowledge the WWE) World Heavyweight Championship belt seemed to be the perfect trophy for 1st place. A few minutes scavenging around Goodwill and the trifecta was complete…Silver Monkey (not really a monkey but a deranged looking clown)…and Bronze Marlin.

The Olympics started with the ceremonial lighting of the Eagle Flame by Vice President KyleBuddy. Preliminary matches commenced in Ladder Golf and Lawn Jarts, until rain forced the Eagles to scurry to pick up the outdoor living room and head inside. The first official event was Ping-Pong. After getting skunked 10-0 in the preliminaries, John set out to make a statement with the WWF belt on the line. Appropriately dawning a Chris Mullin jersey (sober edition), and armed with the Golden State Warrior mentality, John took Scotty the distance to the 3rd game before bowing out, a bit out of breathe. In the other semi-final, Steven took down KyleBuddy. In the 3rd place game, John dodged KyleBuddy’s bullet returns and captured the first point of the Olympics. Scotty and Steven prepared to square off in the championship. Tension was high and there was a bit of perspiration as the two were evenly matched and went back and forth. It went down to the wire with Scotty finally emerging victorious.

The second event of the day was Darts. Steven jumped out to an early lead in 501 with John a ways back in 2nd, KyleBuddy shortly behind, and Scotty in a distant 4th. Steven continued his accurate throwing and took 1st place. Scotty put together a string of good throws and came from the back of the pack to stunningly take 2nd, with KyleBuddy taking 3rd, and John finishing 4th.

The third event was a Marvel video game on the PS2. Steven displayed his experience at playing his own video game and took 1st, Scotty, KyleBuddy, and John rounded out the event placing. After 3 events, Steven was in the overall lead with 13 points, Scotty in 2nd with 11, KyleBuddy with 2, and John with 1.

The weather began to cooperate and it was time to head outside for Ladder Golf. After the preliminary seeding earlier in the day, the semi-final pairings were set. Scotty topped John, while KyleBuddy took care of Steven. John was eager to steal some points away from Steven and gain some momentum in the standings, but Steven would have none of that, knocking off John for 3rd place in the event. In the championship match, KyleBuddy was on his game, jumping out and winning the first game in the best of 3 contest. In attempt to harness some superstitious magic, Scotty put on the “Sabo Specs”. It proved successful as he took the next two games and 1st place in the event. Ladder Golf results: Scotty, KyleBuddy, Steven John

The Eagles then headed to the park for some Whiffleball. They looked to put the “whiff” in whiffleball during the pitching competition. The object was to keep each batter from hitting the ball passed a certain line in the field. Scotty set the bar high by scoring 16 out of a possible 30. KyleBuddy’s unorthodox pitching style proved costly as many of his pitches sailed outside the strike zone. Steven proved himself in his first whiffleball competition as an Eagle, scoring 11 points. John looked to make up some ground in the standings after a slow start and went to work on the mound. Tactical placement of his fastballs jammed Steven and then caused Scotty to back off the plate where he ended up reaching at balls on the outside corner. John edged out Steven, but Scotty’s performance proved to hold up…final standings: Scotty, John, Steven, KyleBuddy

Next came the Home Run Derby. John led off, striking early with a deep ball. However, most of his drives were to center, where the 20 foot fence gobbled up his best efforts. Scotty took advantage of the short fence down the line, hitting 2 over, along with 2 drives over the big dog fence. Steven struggled to get lift on his swings. His best drive hit literally 2 inches from the top of the fence, but ran out of gas. KyleBuddy also failed to do any yard work. Final ranks: Scotty, John…no points awarded for 3rd.

Through 6 events, Scotty had jumped to a sizeable lead with 26 points, then Steven with 15, John making a surge to 7, and KyleBuddy with 5.

The Olympics moved back to the house after Scotty & John, veteran El Orchard Bunnies, stole the show in the whiffleball events. With Lawn Jarts up next, John beat KyleBuddy while Scotty topped Steven in a close match. KyleBuddy bowed out to Steven in the 3rd place match. And John defended his #1 seed in the event by dominating Scotty in the finals…Jarts: John, Scotty, Steven, KyleBuddy

In Bocce Ball, John beat out KyleBuddy and Scotty topped Steven in the semis. Steven took care of KyleBuddy to claim 3rd. In the finals Scotty jumped out to an early lead and didn’t look back, defeating John, taking 1st in the event, and ultimately locking up the WWF belt…Bocce: Scotty, John, Steven, KyleBuddy

Through 8 events, Scotty has locked up the WWF belt and has 34 points, Steven has 17, John breathing down his neck with 15, and KyleBuddy (just wanting to play poker) has 5.

In Paper-Rock-Scissors competition, John beat Steven and Scotty finally beat KyleBuddy after several stalemates. KyleBuddy took down Steven to earn 3rd place. Scotty bested John for another 1st place victory…Paper covers Rock, Rock still structurally sound, but defeated nonetheless. RPS: Scotty, John, KyleBuddy, Steven…John moves 1 point ahead of Steven for the Silver Monkey, with 1 event remaining.

The main event of the evening was Texas Hold’em. Steven’s wife Mesha joined in the festivities, as well as John’s lady friend Cara. KyleBuddy, John, and Scotty all grabbed early pots, but then KyleBuddy built up his stack while taking quite a few of Scotty’s chips. John went to work on taking Steven’s stash, Steven bowing out before John would ensure John the Silver Monkey. Scotty went for the final punch to Steven’s chances, but wound up on the losing end of the hand. Steven hung around for a few more hands before being forced to go All In with the few chips he had left and losing. John had done what he needed to do to lock up the Silver Monkey and was out of chips shortly thereafter. Cara made a name for herself with a solid poker face and had built up a good stack, looking like she could give KyleBuddy a run for his money. During the game, Cara also earned an official nickname…Caine, short for cocaine. Mesha lasted a while, despite never playing before, but was forced out in a respectable 4th place finish. KyleBuddy and Cara appeared to have Scotty beat, but holding a Straight, he threw in his last handful of chips and tripled up. A few hands later, stacks were fairly even, with KyleBuddy holding a slight edge over Scotty and Cara. Time restraints forced KyleBuddy to leave in 3rd place, leaving Scotty and Cara to go head to head. After a few hands, Scotty decided to go for broke…and ended up that way, giving Cara the victory and making her the first non-Eagle to place in an Olympic event…Poker: Cara, Scotty, KyleBuddy, Mesha, John, Steven

During the poker game, Scotty busted out the infamous Jell-O mold. KyleBuddy had left the mold outside overnight and it was later refrigerated to a gelatin state, so there were not very many eager mouths. After some rather direct hazing from Scotty, the mold was passed around the poker table. The mixed fruit literally stung the tip of the tongue, and left the stomach a bit uneasy. However, Scotty and Steven continued to eat out of the mold, finishing about ¾ of it, making it the most eaten Jell-O mold in FESC history (previous best was the blue one from winter football practice at Zach’s house, where Scotty and Marcus ate about ½).

And here are your final standings of the first Flying Eagles Olympics:
Gold WWF Belt – Scotty…42 points
Silver Monkey – John…18 points
Bronze Marlin – Steven…17 points
Notable – KyleBuddy…7 points
Notable – Cara…5 points

I Haven't Worn A Belt Buckle This Big Since I Went As "JP" For Halloween,

Scotty "The Mule" Dont

(anybody else think it is odd that I have developed a nickname inside of my original nickname?)